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WORKING THE WORK WEAR

Hello  everybody…

Hope everyone had a great wed. I was a little under the weather so took the evening off. feeling a bit better so thought I would share some of my work looks. Some of these are in the earlier part of the day and others are at the end.

BRISK FL MORNING

BRISK FL MORNING

And then there is the end of the day. You still get the just of the hair and make-up.20160211_182351.jpg20160211_182947-1.jpg

This past Sunday I throw caution to the  wind and decided to get some layers cut in. Had been thinking about it for a while but the only way it was gonna happen …. well ya know. For work the hair stays up but with the different lengths there’s a little more you can do with it.20160210_100955.jpg20160209_190629.jpg

OK Kids. Sorry to keep things a little short but gotta get some rest. Back to the work flow tomorrow. 😉

LET’S STIR FRY

Hello everybody. I hope you all have had a fabulous day and are settled in for a nice cozy blog. this is me this morning getting ready to go o my waitress job. #Day look. 20160209_111614.jpg

Any who, enough about that. This post is about a fairly quick work night dinner. Chicken stir fry. yummy. You will need. 20160209_182233.jpg

Minus the wine. That’s just for me. Just so you know the chicken breast meat was cut up the day before. All in all the day of this recipe should take 20 to 30 mins prep to finish. Excluding washing the dishes unless you have an adorable boyfriend to help you out with that.

First step. Put the chicken tenders in a bowl and add soy sauce, ginger powder and some garlic. Toss together and set aside. Next in another small bowl whisk some soy sauce, hoison, oyster sauce, rice vinegar and cornstarch. Add garlic powder, ginger powder and onion powder then whisk a little more. Set aside. Prep veg.20160209_183211.jpg

OK let’s get stir frying. Pour a little sesame oil in wok and heat on med high to high. You know your stove but you want it hot. Once hot add the chicken and turn on water for pasta.

Now it’s just a matter of stir frying in layers.20160209_183854.jpg20160209_184015.jpg20160209_184420.jpg20160209_184652.jpg20160209_185342.jpg

And wallah…… This serves four or two and a leftover night.20160209_185655.jpg

Give it a try and tell me what you think. If you are the type to plan your meals out you could even have everything ready to go before hand which would make it an even quicker meal.

Life is Transition

Well, well, well. So we meet again. Aparently it has been three long years since my last post on this blog. As the title suggest things have been changing and some things not so much.

I’ve been feeling the need to reintroduce myself to the universe. Hello There.

 

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And there I am in the raw. No special lighting, no makeup. Just me. Do not get use to seeing this imagery as this will probably be the only time such a picture will be posted. Although do expect more pictures in general. Like this one when the messy cook is in the kitchen.20151229_190856.jpg

A delicious, cheesy chicken casserole I made one night when trying to think of something a little healthy and easy. Sometimes its nice taking your time in the kitchen preparing  food and sometimes you just need to get it done to get on with the evening.20160201_202834

Then there will be post about body changes/images. Developement of breast, any before and after of surgerys and that sort of thing.20160208_153901

And of course there will be mention and fasion and style choices. In clothing as well as decorating.14549815459841141968849

There will also be magick and conversations with the universe. Which is a daily one by nature.

So point being you can expect a lot more of me this year on a number of different topics that all have to do with LIFE ALWAYS IN TRANSITION.

What to expect when expecting

Once again, as I have done in previous post, I apologize for the long pause between post. I have a tendency to get side tracked. In most of the previous post I’ve talked about name change, job hunts and general things but have yet to talk about what we all want to know. What to expect from your hormone treatment when you are expecting change.
First off let me say that treatment is going to be different for everyone. The dosages, the amount taken and how often you take them. All I can share at this point is what has happened for me during the course of my HRT(Hormone replacement Therapy). Don’t expect miracles either. You will be setting yourself up for disappointments and I’m sure we have all had enough of those. Your age and body size will have a lot to do either the effects of the treatment as well. I’m a big girl at 6’2″ and 245lbs.
So I started at 35 and am now 37. It will have been 2 years in July. Physically the most noticeable changes have been in the texture of my skin and the softening of some of my male features. You will notice that for the most part changes like these are more noticeable to others than to yourself. There have definitely been some emotional ups and downs that are to be expected but overall I am beginning to have a better sense of well-being with my body and mind. In others words becoming much more comfortable being the woman I am.
In the way of breast development this is probably the most disappointing part for me. There has been some tenderness and sensitivity behind the nipple but the glands have yet to fully expand and burst. I have increased my hormone dosage twice since starting. The last time was just a month ago so I am hopeful that the higher dosage is going to kick-start the forming of breast tissue and gland development. Although it can be frustrated I still believe it is better to wait than to jump into breast surgery reminding myself that this is a puberty and generally will take the full length of a normal puberty to get the maximum results. PATIENCE!
So the point here is to let you know that it is going to take time. Particularly if you are starting later in life. Remembering your first go around with puberty and how you thought you would never been through it. Well hold on sweeties cause here comes round two.

Getting back in touch

     Well it has been quite some time since my last post. I’m sure that any of you who may have been following had given up on the idea that there would be anymore post. I almost did as well. I’m back and ready to start taking on dealing with the daily task of transitioning and moving on with life. I was stuck in a bad place for a little while there. I’ll catch you up a bit.

     Well as of now I’m still unemployed. I can’t say that I have been looking as hard as I should be due to issues I am now working on. I sort of went into a hibernation for a while cutting myself of to the outside world and perhaps even parts of myself. The usual suspects played their role; depression, anxiety, etc… My therapist suggested that I may need the assistance of an anti-depressant so she made me an appointment with a psychiatrist. That was probably the turning point that led me to where I am now. He made me very uncomfortable by calling me he and young man. He also talked a lot about credentials he had which I though really had no correlation to my situation. In short I never started the anti-depressants and mostly because I couldn’t justify taking a prescription from someone who clearly had no understanding or even a professional empathy to what I am going through. I felt like he was just trying to hand me some candy from a pez dispenser. We all know what we should do when a stranger tries to give us candy right?  So there I was, at what I felt was getting to close to the bottom. No job, low self worth…. just fear and loathing, but not in Las Vegas. 😉

     Although I do not believe this outcome was his intentions he none the less helped me. The experience I had in his office reignited something inside of me. That uncomfortable feeling he gave me in his office reminded me that there is work to be done. Work on myself and my own insecurities and issues as well as work in education for myself and others. I’m still not exactly sure where this new spark is leading me as far as any details to this refreshed way of thinking, but I do know it starts with communication. It was his seemingly lack of knowledge or even proper responses to a trans-women in his office that made me realize if the professionals are still having issues in dealing with transgenderism then we definitely have a lot of work ahead breaking the barriers and building a better future for others trying to fulfill their true selves. 

     I suppose the moral of this post is that our transitioning isn’t really just about what we look like or how we interact in public. It’s not just about an operation or what we have decided to do with our bodies. Its a movement in human rights. A conversation that has to be had. I am just now beginning to see how much bigger it really is than just my small part of the whole. COMMUNICATION PEOPLE. USE YOUR VOICE. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!

The search goes on…

         Hey guys. As you have probably already guessed from my last blog I have been out looking for employment. To no avail I might add. In the process though my direction was turned around when it was suggested by two different restaurant owners that I may want to seek some other kind of employment because of the people they cater to. Another suggestion from the same two business owners was that I seek employment in a gay bar.

        At first I was dumfounded and then angry. But,I settled into a more positive way of thinking. Obviously this is no longer the right career path for me. At least not while living in Jacksonville Florida. So it is time to seek a different career path. And it seems I have plenty of time to do so right now. Sort of let the universe guide me or at least try to keep my eyes open for a sign of some sort. I know that sounds a little hokey but it’s what I needed.

          I still haven’t found the new nitch yet but I definitely feel like I may be getting closer. I was seeking assistance with my rent today and met a lovely person in the office that seemed filled with information. I was told of a meeting held every 2nd Tuesday of the month that seems to be forming into a more activist type group. I like the sounds of that and it won’t hurt to at least check it out. I am open to just doing what I do and letting that inner instinct guide me.
       I know employment can be an issue for a lot of us. I wish I had more to offer as far as any real experience with some solutions but as of yet…  But, rest assured, as soon as I figure it out I will share what I learned. This is the year for change and new things so let’s get excited for change. 😉   

Equal Oppurtunity???

I apologize for the long pause between my last post and this one. A change in circumstances has had my mind elsewhere which brings me to the subject of this post. Trans and work.
As of about three weeks ago I left my job of six years because it felt as though I were being treated unfairly. It was no secret that I was not happy with the position and that I was actively seeking other employment. unfortunately my faith in people in the local community has become a little shaken. I believed, foolishly, that I lived in a very diverse, open-minded and GLBT friendly area. To walk around, coming and going from all the different businesses and restaurants, you would think the same thing. But, as is often the case, it appears that the neighborhood is more GLB friendly than T. I have never had an issue as a customer in any of the fine local establishments, but it seems it may be a different situation when it comes to working at one of these businesses. FYI, I have been applying for jobs that I am more than qualified for.
I have not given up all hope as of yet. Besides, I don’t think that is really an option nor is moving to a more trans friendly city at this particular time. Although I am definitely considering this as a viable option for the future. Or would that be considered giving up on this community?
In any case three weeks and counting of no job. The bills are starting to get behind and of course there are more coming. I have considered the possibility that if no one will hire me I may just have to employ myself. Of course if that were any easier I’m sure there would already be a lot more trans people doing it. For now it seems we are back to the title of my original post “Where to start”.
I have to say that it can be very frustrating sometimes to be clumped in with a particular community (GLBT) when the GLB part is far ahead of the T. I find sometimes there can be just as much discrimination and/or lack of understanding in the GLBT community as outside of it. Come on all you GLB business owners who claim to be activist and/or lobbyist for equality and take some chances with your transgender brothers and sisters.

Step 2 Name change

So, as I mentioned previously, I have been on hormone treatment for about a year and a half now. Definitely feeling more like myself these days. Now I’ve legally changed my name from Michael to Michelle. I even have a new picture on my identification card that is a bit more representative of me. 😉 I’m very excited about this new developement. Before I dreaded being asked for my id because of the name and the picture. Now the name and the picture match up so unless they are particularly scrutinizing; then it looks like any other 36 yo females would.
It definately is a process from start to finish. I’m still in the middle of changing my name on every single documentation that has my old name on it. Fortunately the paperwork and filing were all done by my lawyer which I was referred to by my therapist. And, the service was free. The lawyer I used is part of our local legal aid which provide legal services for people with lower incomes. She even got most of the fees waived for me. If this resource is available to you in your area I highly recommend using it. With the cost of living getting higher any and all help or resources are appreciated. Pre-court ordered name change, the only thing I had to do for the lawyer is answer a few questions and get finger printed with a background check.
Once the judge signed off on the court order it took about a week for the courts to electronically file it and prepare a certified copy for pick up. After picking up my copy, which was about $4 per copy, I went straight to social security office and applied for a new card. They gave me a receipt but once I got to the dmv that didn’t work. I was able to use my w-2 for social security number verification. So at the dmv I had my w-2, old id, 2 utility bills with old name on them as proof of residence and the court order. The cost of getting the new id was about $32.00. Still working on changing everything else to my new name, but I was able to do pick up court order, social security office and dmv in a day. I was fortunate. It can still take up to three weeks after getting your court order before even being able to begin the rest of the process. Long story short, use all the resources available to you. We’ve got bigger things to save up for. 😉

Getting Started

Getting to the point were I was ready to start hormone treatment was a little different from most. It began around six years ago when I was diagnosed with HIV. At that time I had a boyfriend who was very supportive through the whole initial shock. I started thinking about how much longer my life may or may not be. It was still a few years later when my t-cells went to low and my viral load went to high that I decided it was now or never. The moment the doctor mentioned having to go on HIV medication I started asking about the possibility of starting hormones.
(note; before you start hormone therapy typically you have to get a letter from your therapest stating that this is the right path for you.)
With in a couple of months of starting my HIV medication I started my hormone regimen. A combination of Spironolactone, premarin, and medroxyprogesterone along with low dose aspirin. Apparently hormones can sometimes thicken the blood and cause clots. It was liberating to finally be on the path to my true self. Little did I know what was to come, although I had some expectations from previous experience in cross dressing.
Between the ages of 16 and 18 I dressed as a girl and between 18 and 30 there were some episodes of dressing in drag.
I have to say the first six months were a little disappointing. With the exception of a few emotional breakdowns and the fact that I was taking them at all, there weren’t many physical changes. I did eventually speak with my doctor about the dissatisfaction I was having with the results and in turn he doubled my doses. I suppose it was to be expected. I have always had a high tolerance to medications and such, so it stands to reason that this would be no elision. Even at double the dose I am finding physical changes to be slow coming. ( I want bigger breast dang it). It has been a year and a half since I started hormone treatment and other than the softening of my skin, some emotional changes and some minor breast developement still not happy with the physical results. I suppose it will never really happen fast enough for me since I waited so long to start. Feels like a game of catching up now. On the bright side I will still have perky breast well into old age unlike some of my peers. That is almost worth the wait.
I do apologize about the delay in this posting. Certain events occurred that distracted me for a moment but I will catch you guys up on that in a later post.

Where to start?

I am a transgender woman. m2f. This is my first blog so bear with me. I am hoping that the accounts of my life in transition will be helpful to any of you reading this that may be going through a similar experience or for that matter who has already transitioned that might want to share with me helpful advice from your journey.
Alright then… I suppose a little information about me would be appropriate at this point. First off let me say that this was never a choice but rather something that was merely suppressed for far to long. I have always known that my outer gender appearance did not coincide with what was going on inside of me. From my earliest memory I knew that I was a girl. Unfortunately the outside world did not see me as that so after much struggling with trying to convince the world around me that they where wrong I resigned to living as a gay man for far to many years. Although still ridiculed to some extent it seemed to be far more of an excepted role than the one I was trying to live. On that note let me just say that it was not necessarily the easier path to take but rather a postponement of the inevitable.
A word of advice. Don’t postpone the inevitable. In the end the only thing you accomplish is wasting time. I am 35 now and started my hormone treatment at 34. ( I’ll get into that in another posting. ) I should have pursued treatment when I was 17 and almost died from a suicide attempt. That should have been my red flag telling me that something had to be done. Instead I shelved my true self and went undercover as Michael the gay guy. Don’t get me wrong… As a gay guy I lived out loud and proud. There were lovers, good times, friends and more, but all that time inside was Michelle trying to be content with the facade. Although I feel fortunate to have met and befriended some of the people I did my life would have probably been very different as a woman. I try to justify the prolonging of reaching this stage in my life by believing that everything has a reason. None the less don’t postpone being true to yourself. In the end it’s you who has to live with it.

TO BE CONTINUED

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